Visiting Cornwall...

This post is only partly tongue-in-cheek.

I'm not Cornish but I've lived and worked here for just over a decade, and here's some advice if you're planning a visit to this wonderful part of the world.

Travelling

Chances are that if you're driving to Cornwall you'll come down the A30 or the A38 once you've left the M5. Both of these roads are long and tedious, and you've got about an hour on them from Exeter before you even reach Cornwall. Given that they are so dull and monotonous I would strongly advise that you stop at or before Exeter to recharge your batteries- even the best driver can find the endless plodding exhausting, especially if you've already been driving for ages. Resist the urge to shorten the journey by putting your foot down; Devon and Cornwall Police are adept at picking up speeders along these roads- this is their patch and they will have no sympathy with you just because you're on holiday. A Volvo traffic car can easily lurk in the long grass of the verge or among the lorries, and they know all the best spots so don't take the risk.

If you're towing take extra care. Your motorway trip will have, on the most part, been straightforward. With three lanes you can overtake lorries and still leave people space to overtake you in the outside lane. The A30 and A38 are both dual carriageways, so overtake a lorry and you will quickly get yourself a following. Not a good following like a band or celebrity might have, no a long following of cars and motorbikes who would dearly like you to shift your arse out of the way! If you're not confident you can overtake quickly and safely then why not just take it easy until the road is better for it? Oh, and unlike the motorway network both the A30 and A38 have some impressive hills, so ease off when you're going down them yeh?! Every year I see jackknifed caravans and trailers on my way to and from work; each caravan on its side or trailer with contents strewn out all over the road represents a ruined holiday... better to take your time, wouldn't you agree?

West of Launceston (or Plymouth if you're on the A38) the roads get smaller. Although the A30 stays dual carriageway until you're near Bodmin (but widens again until you're near Truro) both roads go down to single carriageway roads once you get deep into Cornwall. Bottlenecks are commonplace. Don't forget the speed limit changes down even though it's the same road you've been on at a higher speed for ages. Also remember that tractors and lorries use these roads and in many areas you just can't overtake safely. So don't. Just take a deep breath, sit back and enjoy the ride. The Cornish way of life tends to be quite relaxed, and partly that's because it's usually impossible to get anywhere quickly! Be courteous to everyone else on the road and give yourself plenty of time to travel.

Sat-navs seldom work in Cornwall; villages and surrounding farms can share a postcode, so the sat-nav might take you far from where you want to be. Likewise sat-navs don't know that the road is too narrow for your caravan/motorhome. Use your common sense, and ideally buy a map instead!

If you meet someone in a country lane they won't automatically reverse for you just because you're not local or you've got a shiny new car; be ready to reverse (sometimes up hills or around corners) and if you can't reverse then don't drive in a county mainly made up with lanes or narrow roads!

The Place

Cornwall is a beautiful place and is well worth visiting. Remember though that it is a place much like where you live, where people live and work. Cornwall is not a recreation centre for you to come in and use at your leisure so treat it with the same respect you treat your area.

The moors are great places to walk, but take a map, a compass and some other basic supplies; the moors are beautiful but can be as dangerous as any other part of the UK. When the sun is shining the moors can bake in the heat, so take plenty of water (I know this from my own bitter experience). Remember also that you are in an agricultural county, so keep your dog on a lead so it can't even risk upsetting livestock (remember that it is legal for a farmer to shoot a dog that is worrying livestock- this would really upset your holiday so don't take the risk).

The beaches are also beautiful but can be treacherous. It's easy to get locked into a secluded cove when the tide comes in (people do, every year). It's not worth the risk; yes there are RNLI lifeboatmen who will risk their own lives to save you from your stupidity, but what if they don't get to you in time? And why should they save you if you've been careless?! If in any doubt whatsoever stay on the busier beaches, ideally ones with lifeguards. Oh, and as far as I know dogs are banned from all Cornish beaches during the summer.

Mobile phone coverage is very hit and miss in Cornwall, so if you're lost or in trouble don't rely on getting a good signal. Worth noting that if your phone won't get you through on 999 you might have more luck using the Europe-wide 112 number. Either way you'll need to tell them where you are, so if you don't know the best you can hope for is a very long wait. Buy that map!

The People

I've always found the people of Cornwall to be friendly, polite and hospitable, but there are ways to change that. Firstly Cornish people are proud of where they live, so if you spend your visit telling them how much better your home town is then you won't get a polite response! This is a fairly poor area, and a lot of the people you meet will be struggling to make ends meet; just because property is expensive in Cornwall don't imagine that everyone here is wealthy, it's often quite the reverse. Oh, and locals don't care that you're a doctor down for a week living the surf-dude dream, there was one last week, and there'll be one next week....

Despite its rural nature and remoteness from 'civilisation' as you might want to put it, Cornwall boasts several large towns and a city. You don't need to bring everything you might need from home, you can buy food etc. as easily here as you can at home, and using supermarkets, chain stores and especially local shops you will support local jobs and the local economy, plus you'll have a much more comfortable journey if you're not travelling and wondering if the frozen chicken you brought with you will still be safe to eat! There are pubs and cafes all over the place, so use them; many serve delicious fresh local food (although a few more 'poncy places' with extortionate prices have appeared, but there is now at least two KFCs in Cornwall!) and again your cup of tea and a piece of cake will help the local economy.

Treat the people you meet with respect. About 99.5% of visitors do, but the other 0.5% give visitors a bad name. Cornish people are fantastic and friendly and will help you out if you're lost, but they are not your guides/information service! Often nice and polite visitors at B&Bs/hotels etc. will get juicy tips from locals such as where's best to eat, nice places off the beaten track to visit, and when to go to attractions to avoid the queues. Rude people get the cold shoulder!

As with any rural area it is unwise to think the people around you are bumpkins; you might be from a big city far away but the people around you with their distinctive Cornish accents are solicitors, doctors, accountants, shopkeepers... they are people just like you and they will not take to being talked down to. It's only fair as you explore this wonderful place to treat its locals with courtesy.

Hope these pointers are of some use, so come and visit. Cornwall is a magical place, even in the rain!